Family Time – Day 2

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Darkness and cold greeted us as we left our hotel, but the tradeoff was arriving at Bosque del Apache National Wildlife Refuge at the cusp of daybreak. We’ve been here before when it was even colder and the pond we are standing next to was frozen over. But who cares about some chilly weather when already knowing what to expect, we dressed appropriately in order to brave whatever the day had to offer us. The beautiful early morning reflections are not the primary reasons we are here adjacent to the White Sands Missle Range on the Rio Grande River.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Birds, we are here for birds, lots of them. This early, while finding our place in the Refuge, we are not specifically looking for sandhill cranes yet; that’s them standing over their reflections. Nope, we have other birds in our sights. If these first two images above were the best I would have captured while making this visit, I could have gone home happy to have experienced such beautiful sights.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

But we weren’t done witnessing the extraordinary, and then again, who would have driven 450 miles (725km) for only 10 minutes of such things? Not us; we were here to milk nature in order to imbibe this intoxicating mixture of elements from the sky, water, creatures, plants, dirt, sound, smell, and feel. Stirring this all to life was a still-invisible giant ball of fire which was sending us hints like the image above that it was on its way back, just like the snow geese.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

For a good half hour, the snow geese flew in from various corners around the refuge. For reasons beyond our human brains, these bird-brained elegant animals capable of flight choose to congregate here on this lake right before us. They squawk and chatter in a secret language to which the cranes don’t seem to pay any attention, but I do. I want to know what they are saying because after enough of them have come together in a giant love puddle of snow gooseness, they hatch a masterplan that is executed in an instant with a precision that boggles my mind.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

That instant arrives when thousands of snow geese launch themselves off the water and into the sky on their way to points across the landscape to forage for food that their advanced eye-sight is able to glean in ways that insinuate that my own vision might be inferior.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Into the fiery sky, they disperse while we, who will never know what the freedom of self-powered flight is like, stand in awe, gawking at the spectacle of a giant flock of birds.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

In a flash, only the cranes remain.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Well, not only the cranes, as incredible beauty continued hanging out with us hearty travelers who were trying our best to absorb every bit of the visual symphony the scenery was wrapping us in.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Hey, rogue goose, where has your flock gone or are you going solo taking your own path?

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Don’t hesitate to note the important stuff, as some knowledge is transitory, like these birds flying across the scene. What I’m trying to say is that I think we might be at another pond at this point, but I can’t be certain. I’ve looked at the landmarks in the background, but I’m at a loss to find any specificity of location. Does it really matter?

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

I’ll go out on a limb and claim that this murmuration of blackbirds are starlings, but if they really are, I can’t really know.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Sure, the grasses are brown, gold, reddish, and kind of yellow in a palette of fall and winter hues, as are the leafless dormant trees passing through this season, but should you choose to see stagnation, lack of life, or a general sort of dullness, you might be missing the bigger picture. On closer view, the landscape is full of potential and hints of what was in the months leading up to this perfect moment. To be honest, I, probably like you, find particular beauty in scenes such as what is pictured in the very top photo above, but I’d have to attribute that to the rarity of those sights found at dawn. Those early moments at the beginning of the day or the final glow of the last remnants after the sun has dipped below the horizon typically last less than an hour, while the midday light will remain with us for many hours, bathing what we look at in light that isn’t so nuanced and transitory.

Sadly, I can hardly see what personal details and characteristics wild animals have to offer aside from their presence. Obviously, I can tell babies and juveniles from adults, but I cannot comprehend the rarity of them in this environment as I can when relying on photographs where the aging process and choice in clothes convey what stage or point in life the person was. While Jane Goodall was lucky enough to live with apes long enough to identify their personalities and people who have pets learn those animals’ characteristics, I cannot take up a spot here at the refuge where I might encounter the same snow goose or crane on a day to day basis. Instead, I’m stuck with these two loons.

And for loons, there’s only one place to eat while in Socorro, New Mexico and that’s right here at the El Camino Family Restaurant where little more than 12 hours ago we had dinner. Then, in another 8 or 9 hours from now, we’ll be right back here for dinner again, but right now, on this wonderful Christmas morning, we are grabbing breakfast.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

We’d discussed heading north to visit the Salinas Pueblo Missions National Monument series of church ruins but instead opted to return to the Bosque del Apache National Wildlife Refuge (by the way, Bosque is pronounced “bohs-kee” in these parts. We came back for some of the trails we’d never walked before.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

And the man said unto nature, “We humans, in our generosity, have carved out this fraction of the domain your ancestors once knew, but we are not heartless to your plight of a shrinking domain, so here, take this river bottomland we are not interested in and call this home.” Up here on this cliffside, we assumed our perch over the kingdom of creatures so we might better sense the rule of all that is below. This is the joy of being GODS.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

So, if you are the god you so arrogantly claim, how about you demonstrate that lofty position and chow down on this yummy cactus paddle as the javelinas do?

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Or might you be so humble as to organize the atomic and molecular structure of the universe to produce plants just like the force of evolutionary nature does?

Oh, I see how it is; we are here to sow destruction, create entertainment that satisfies our boredom of being horrifically aware of our existence, and steal what we can from all that is or might be as it feeds our sense of superiority. The depth required to be true creators and stewards is elusive to our puny-spirited population of idiots. But not us; we are here on Christmas Day to tread lightly, eschew entertainment and the consumerist experience to find the enchantment nature is putting on display in crazy abundance, delight in this brief moment of existence, and through it all, we hope that we’ve not intruded upon the potential of other life to indulge in another perfect day too.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

While we were here at the Bosque, we walked along, chatted, and obviously took a significant number of photos, maybe too many. Then again, these images capture precisely the world as it looked to us, and as such, they appear unique as they coincide with our memories, whereas someone else’s photo taken on a different day won’t strike the same notes as these will. True, there are images I’ll share here that fail to readily demonstrate in an apparent way why I thought there was something extraordinary about the view and would certainly fail to compel someone else to walk in our footsteps, but they sing to my memories. As others go into their unfolding world using the luxury of digital photography and even a rudimentary ability to write, I’d like to encourage people to record their world in this slow medium, meaning not using video, and then, years down the road revisit these documents and appreciate just how amazing your own memory is in bringing you back to something that might have otherwise been long forgotten.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Hello, future recollections of that day back at the end of 2021 when Caroline, Jessica, and I strolled through this wildlife refuge under fluffy white clouds set against a deep blue sky, and with the sounds of birds in our ears, we just walked along with nowhere else to be.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Maybe in that sense, we were much like these deer who couldn’t have cared about the larger world outside of their immediate experience. They were in the moment having deer thoughts and doing deer things just as we were having human moments doing human things, totally unconcerned with what was happening in the larger outside world beyond being right here.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Screwbean mesquite is a species of the tree that, as far as I can determine with 2 minutes of research on Google, will have that mesquite flavor desired by grillers across the southwest. As for the beans, I’m going to invite Caroline during her editing of this post to learn about the cooking potential they might have and share what she finds. [Screwbean mesquite pods are edible, particularly ground into flour that is gluten-free and nutrient-rich. However, other mesquite species are said to be more flavorful. – Caroline]

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

The Rio Viejo trail follows a former riverbed of the Rio Grande that’s now on the other side of a berm to our far left. In its stead is this trail, the screwbean mesquite trees, along with a bunch of cottonwoods. At this time of day, though, there weren’t many birds here.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

But there was a group of javelina coming out of the nearby brush, and as we stood silently, allowing them to do and go about their business, they slowed down, checked us out, and continued on their way.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

We counted eight javelinas in this squadron (I looked that up). Walking out of the bush and prior to sensing us, they were preoccupied foraging for whatever it was they were sampling from the forest floor. I’m guessing we were afforded the close encounter with these peccaries due to the direction the wind was blowing, but when they got within about 20 feet of us, they’d stop, and while looking straight at us, their snouts started frantically wiggling as though they were evaluating the potential threat in front of them that they likely could barely see. Lucky us, we could see them all quite clearly, but unfortunately, they never were in the right position for us to gather a good sniff of their musky stink that earned them the nickname skunk pigs.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

We’ve continued up the dirt road going north to position ourselves near the Coyote Deck. From here, we’ll just hang out a good long while before continuing the loop toward where our day began.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

From corners far and wide, the geese are heading back to the safety of the ponds where they can pull up their pillows and get some rest, safe from the coyotes that would gladly make feasts of the abundance of these feathery treats.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Just as we were about to head back to the hotel so we could catch something or other on TV, maybe some football, even more birds came flying in. Don’t you just hate it when you know there’s something worthwhile on the television and nature keeps interrupting you from getting back to the important stuff, like watching all of those old Christmas movies you’ve already seen dozens of times before because It’s a Wonderful Life is just that great? Yeah, well, I was being cheeky, and although it’s Christmas day and the romantic drivel of consumer-driven merrymaking is supposed to be all the rage along with this fakey nostalgia for such ugly, repetitive nonsense, I’d rather tell you to go stuff yourself regarding traditions…watching wild birds in the air rocks while roasted geese on your table are sad and tragic, just like your pathetic lives in front of idiot boxes.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Everything in that paragraph above was written by my wife, Caroline, against my wishes as I would never take such Scrooge-like digs at this Great American Holiday, which represents the best of what we have to offer as a free and decent people. As a matter of fact, I regret that we skipped out of Phoenix for years so we could avoid my mother during Thanksgiving, as who wanted to be part of that shit show?

Editors Note: Again, my wife has taken certain liberties with this last sentence to make me appear as some kind of crude curmudgeon with a broken sentimentality organ. I would never talk ill of the dead.

Note of Truth: Okay, so I take full responsibility for all of the text in this post, but after writing for the 28 photos that preceded this descent into farce, I just couldn’t come up with nice flowery things to continue rambling about the refuge and our delight at being here. So, I took a tangent, but after 2,000 words and so many photos, there’s NO WAY anyone is still reading this; even the Google indexing algorithm probably dipped out about a thousand words ago.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Hey John, instead of turning this obviously wonderful experience into a tragic parody of some poorly executed attempt at humor, why not just delete some photos, consolidate the text, and make this easier on all of us? My best answer is, when I was choosing photos in the days leading up to the point I’d start writing, I was certain that I required every single photo I’d chosen because each had the potential to be great if only I could add some meaningful poetic musings to elevate them. Instead, I’ve, in effect, maligned the magnificence of these cranes, some geese, too, as I channeled grumpy John.

Then again, do I really look all that grumpy? By the way, my daughter used to have the world’s stinkiest feet. We recently learned it could have been due to a type of bacteria that apparently also affects dogs, so if I were a betting man, I’d say my weird-ass daughter likely played footsy with her dogs back when they were still alive. I point out their life status as after staying with her in more than a few hotel rooms this year; we’ve not had one gacking moment, not even a little one. That’s my daughter in the middle for those of you who don’t know, and maybe I should also point out finally that she blogs, occasionally as poorly as I do, over at TheJessicaness.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Bright golden grass growing out of the shallow waters of this pond with the sun setting couldn’t be left behind. Writing that, I can’t help but think about how often I have wanted to leave my daughter and her rotting feet behind, but something compelled me to keep dragging her along. Ha, no, that didn’t happen; she’s married, and lucky for me, her husband Caleb somehow adapted to enduring the wretched stench of a magnitude compared to which even my farts smelled subtle and nearly insignificant. But enough of this airing of dirty feet on my eloquent and lovely blog I’m soiling with remembering my daughter just this way on Christmas; I’ll move on, I swear.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Sunset is coming, which means we are about to leave for dinner, and I have nothing else to say.

Bosque del Apache near Socorro, New Mexico

Really, nothing. Okay, here’s a Merry Christmas, but that’s it.

Family Time – Day 1

Caroline Wise, Jessica Aldridge, and John Wise on the road in Arizona

What is the problem with these women I’m traveling with? We are delving into the depths of hell, and they smile while my look of incredulity (not to be confused with uncertainty if my fart was wet) is signaling that something is wrong in this car we are currently in. I’ve said it before, and I should say it again: driving is no excuse to stop taking selfies in a moving vehicle, even if that selfie requires multiple takes and posing.

My original plan saw us leaving Phoenix at 9:30 for the road eastward that would bring us to Miami, Arizona, and the fine Mexican cuisine found at Guayo’s El Rey, specifically their carne asada, which is probably the best I’ve ever had. By leaving at 9:30, we’d arrive as they opened the doors at 11:00; well, we didn’t get out until shortly after 11:00 because I got stuck conversing with an old friend at the coffee shop into which we were dipping for 2 minutes in order to grab coffees for the road. It turned out that we were all finished with our coffees before we ever got underway.

Out near Safford, Arizona

Hey, what’s this hell you speak of? First things first, lunch was amazing, and with stomachs stuffed full, we were back out on Highway 60, driving east through heavy rain until we reached Highway 70 and continued towards Lordsburg, New Mexico. Somewhere out on the San Carlos Apache Indian Reservation, the clouds started breaking up, and near Safford, Arizona, we were treated to dramatic skies and this small bit of rainbow.

Last night (or was it this morning?), we finally decided on our reading material for this road trip: Lord Of Dark Places by Hal Bennett. Mind you that Caroline and I are currently immersed in Marcel Proust’s In Search of Lost Time, but dropping Jessica right into the middle of that book (we’ve already finished Swann’s Way, which is Part 1 of 5) would be unfair to her as it takes some time to get into the flow of this tome of flowery prose, so we opted to start something else.

Out near Safford, Arizona

Something else is an appropriate description of Lord of Dark Places. I first heard of this book from YouTuber Cliff Sergeant, who publishes under the channel titled Better Than Food.

Out near Safford, Arizona

Lord of Dark Places opens rough and becomes jagged quickly. Glimmers of light are not to be found under the gloom as the horizon is filling with carnage and depravity. I am reluctant to share that we’d even read this or would be willing to mention the name of this gut-puncher, but the incredible writing pulls you forward like a log being dragged into a buzzsaw. While I’ve now given this nod to Lord of Dark Places, I find myself unable to share much more than the fact that we could barely travel more than a couple of minutes before the next stretch of rough, cringy road was encountered and, obviously, I’m not referring to the road on which we are driving east.

Jessica Aldridge in Duncan, Arizona

Here we are ten years after Jessica, and I passed through here on a day trip out of Phoenix at the very same truck in Duncan, Arizona, in which she sat as part of a short story that was included in a book we put together for her during a spring break.

Somewhere in southwest New Mexico

We are near the state border with New Mexico and still fully entrenched and mesmerized with the book that continues to deliver body blows to our senses, though the aesthetics of what is unfolding couldn’t be more real.

Somewhere in southwest New Mexico

Day is about to give way to night, and the delay from the poor weather earlier is impacting what time we thought we’d arrive in Socorro, but we should make it in time.

Jessica Aldridge in Socorro, New Mexico

It’s 8:30 as we pull into a parking spot at the El Camino Family Restaurant in Socorro, New Mexico. While Jessica was just here with me back in August, Caroline hasn’t been here in years. It’s been said countless times before, but this New Mexican version of Denny’s is our favorite roadside stop for breakfast or dinner while we are visiting the western side of the state. Getting in at this time was nearly too late as the kitchen now stops taking orders at 9:15; sadly, prior to the pandemic, this place was open 24/7.

Today’s journey across the desert, while beautiful, was overshadowed by the power and depravity found in Lord of Dark Places and the places it brought us to. We won’t have a lot of time in the book on Christmas day as we have other plans that won’t see us on the road very much, but having gotten halfway through it, we should be able to finish it on the way home. As for my Steak Tampico here at El Camino? I’m never disappointed with the same thing I have every time we eat here.

Caroline’s Geburtstag

Caroline Wise in Phoenix, Arizona

After taking Caroline the 28 miles from home to the Korean corndog joint in Mesa for her birthday last year it seemed impossible to top that and so I didn’t even try. As a matter of fact, we were standing in the kitchen this morning when she suggested that I should treat her to breakfast in bed which had me asking her, why should I do that? “Well, how about because it’s my birthday?” Oops.

We’d talked of her upcoming birthday multiple times over the previous weeks and while I knew that I’d do absolutely nothing for it, I wasn’t supposed to outright forget it on the very day it was occurring. Even seeing the missed call from her father and stepmother that had arrived at 4:30 in the morning to my phone (the ringer was turned off because who wants to be woken at such an hour) didn’t trigger me that he might have been calling for his daughter’s birthday. So with that embarrassing stuff out of the way, on to the rest of the day.

I did end up making breakfast for her, even her coffee, but she wasn’t able to indulge it while horizontal as her sister and brother-in-law were Skyping her to wish those kinds of greetings that typically show up on this type of day. Afterward, she phoned her father to return his call, and then it was on to her mom Jutta. Regarding my mother-in-law, she’d get to enjoy celebrating Caroline’s birthday twice today as just a few hours after she and her daughter hung up the first call, Jutta called us as she had just remembered that today is Caroline’s birthday. Such is the memory of someone mired in dementia.

With family phone calls out of the way, it was time for us to grab some lunch, which I nearly forgot as well until Caroline stopped me and asked about going to Otro Cafe, a New Mexican inspired place near downtown Phoenix that we’d agreed just the day before to visit. Sheesh, where’s my head? I’d like to claim it’s stuck in a daze from staring at this face I find absolutely delightfully beautiful, but that would be an easy copout, though I do love staring at it. If anything at all, I’d say that with the creatures of habit thing that’s happened to a large extent this past two years, if we are home, we are likely staying put and doing a bunch of whatever.

However, that bunch of whatever is about to get shifted to the point of relentless change. John, what do you mean? Well, Caroline’s 54th year promises to be extraordinarily busy if we can maintain the intention to follow through with a travel itinerary I’ve been working on that starts soon. How soon? Real soon with the first trip taking us back to the Bosque del Apache National Wildlife Refuge south of Socorro, New Mexico, where our fetish for birds, lots of birds, is able to be satisfied in much the same way as llamas eating hands.

Friends

John Wise, Steve Alt, and Caroline Wise in Phoenix, Arizona

You might remember that a few weeks ago, we picked up Scottish friend William “Willy” Mather from the Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport here in Arizona and brought him to Flagstaff to start his rafting trip down the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon? Well, today we are back at the airport, but this time we are picking up Steve “Sarge” Alt who finished a rafting trip down the same river just a few days after Willy finished his. Sadly, schedules didn’t allow for Willy to join friends Sarge and Frank “First Light” Kozyn on their trip and so while they were probably less than 50 miles apart at any given point during the past few weeks, their paths didn’t cross. But our paths did cross and even if we only have the opportunity to visit for a few hours, it’s well worth the time spent with these guys.

Sarge was on a seven-hour stopover which allowed us to pick up sandwiches and head over to Papago Park where we could pull a shaded picnic table and sit back to hear a few stories about this most recent river trip and a bit about the Selway trip up in Idaho that we had to bail out of this summer. While a small part of me wants to lament that Caroline nor I were on any white water river trips this year, I’d have to admit that I have nothing in the world to complain about.

Scottish Farmer Ruins Our Adventure

Caroline and John Wise with William Mather in Flagstaff Arizona

On this beautiful Saturday, we were tricked into bringing this Scotsman to Flagstaff, Arizona, after he flew in via Canada from his farm in Scotland. We don’t normally offer Uber services, but this guy convinced us via email that he was a descendent of William Wallace and had recently come into his inheritance. He was inviting us to raft the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon at his expense if we’d take him up north. We took the scenic road from Phoenix via Payson which I originally thought was so we could dip into one of his bottles of whiskey while underway, but apparently, he was nervous about an encounter with US Immigration and Customs Enforcement which makes sense now that I think about it, as Europeans are not allowed in America yet due to the pandemic. When I asked about that, he said that Post Brexit he was no longer part of that filthy horde of barbarians and so was allowed to be on our shores. By that time I was just drunk enough to believe him. Pulling into Flagstaff, we stopped at a local Haggis Shop where he was going to grab a couple of haggises and a pack of oatcakes, one haggis for this evening and one while we are out rafting the Colorado. Well, this was the last we saw of this crafty Scots outlaw as he must have left through a back door. Without hotel reservations and proof that we were booked for a Grand Canyon adventure, all we could do was head back to Phoenix looking like the rubes we are.

The truth is far more mundane as Flagstaff doesn’t even have a Haggis Shop nor did we drink a bottle of whiskey while on the road. This is our friend Willy whom we met years ago on a different rafting trip and we were simply bringing him to Flagstaff for his own adventure rafting through the canyon, without haggis and without us. We did enjoy our scenic drive through the largest stand of Ponderosa pines in the world and all the conversations that entailed.

Is This Home?

Airport in Frankfurt, Germany

I didn’t have an iota of interest in photographing one other thing in Frankfurt on our way out of the city. Our focus was on getting to the airport and dealing with the circus of hoops. Regarding those missed photo opportunities, there was nothing, not a thing, I could have captured that would have wrapped up the three weeks of our vacation that is now finished, fertig, and finito. Back to the circus, I anticipate the worst going through airports; they’re as bad as going into department stores where I know that there’s little likelihood of me finding the experience pleasing. There’s too much anxiety here as I wait for something to fall out of order, forcing us into the oblivion of chaos as we try to right the listing ship we hoped to take home without incident.

Taking the train to the airport is one of the saving graces as there’s no tension of jumping out of cars in the turmoil unfolding in the front of the terminal. Casually, we depart the train and start the long walk to the place in the terminal where we need to go, wherever that may be. We don’t care where it is as signs will direct us should we find ourselves walking aimlessly; plus, there always seems to be a staff member who helps point the confused in the right direction. Our first line has us collecting our boarding passes, checking in and paying for a bag we didn’t really anticipate having, and inquiring about the availability of upgrades. Passports, COVID-19 test results, attestation, and vaccine cards are handed over before we can pay the 59 Euros to check our heavier bag. As for upgrades, while Lufthansa’s business class was reduced to nearly a third of what it was a week ago, it was still a bit too pricey, but Premium Economy sounded sweet, and so here I am with my legs stretched out, my computer comfortably on a table in front of me, and my stomach full from our lunch that was served about an hour into our flight.

But I’m getting ahead of things: after checking in and purchasing our upgrades, we still had to maneuver the security gauntlet. Whoa, was that really it? It’s certainly a cliché, but that was butter. We slid through with belts and shoes on, and nothing was flagged for extra security checks. Done and sitting down for a bite to eat just moments later.

Flying over Germany

Back to our flight already in progress, with only 6 hours and 45 minutes remaining before reaching Washington, D.C. That’s the next pressure point as we’ll only have 70 minutes to collect our bag, make it through U.S. Immigration and Customs, and board our United flight to Arizona. I’m skeptical we can make it but I’ll pretend some optimism so as to not torture myself with negativity. Oh, what is that? Turbulence? Flatulence? Nope, it’s Mr. Sandman asking me to join him for a nap; I just might oblige.

Thirty minutes later I return to awareness of being in flight. Just made my first bathroom break, and normally, that wouldn’t rank as important enough to find its way onto these pages, but I saw that there might be a dozen people in the economy section while premium economy has significantly more passengers. As I came back, Caroline was watching The Black Klansman, and by mistake, I started reading the subtitles on her screen. Damn it, I was dragged into this cringe-worthy film, but as I tried listening in on the headphone Caroline wasn’t using, the dialogue was too dreadful, so I continued to read and squirmed while not being able to turn away. The really horrible thing is I’m learning nothing about racial history I didn’t already know, but I’m giving up time when I should have been trying to drag something out of my mind and into a document.

Watching the movie, I find my brain wiped clean of wanting to write. Obviously, I’m well aware I’ll likely have only regurgitated some lament, tripe, or iteration of something or other I’ve already spewed before, but that doesn’t mean I should so easily turn away from trying to find the hidden words not yet sequenced in my head I’ve been trying to discover. And then the movie is over, and we are down to less than 4 hours before we land.

I said I was learning nothing about racial tensions I didn’t already know, but I have to take into account that for much of my life, those around me have told me again and again that I see a hateful world they cannot see. From the perspective of Spike Lee, who made The Black Klansman, I can understand his need to inform people that the point from 40 years ago to today is a short one wherein some respects, little has changed or maybe even gotten worse. I do have the knowledge of living in a mostly-white bubble, but that doesn’t blind me to the innuendo and structural bias that’s nearly always on display.

Just as I didn’t have it in me to photograph our leaving Frankfurt, I’m not feeling this writing thing on the way home. Well, I do have another 5-hour leg that takes us from D.C. to Phoenix, and maybe as I grow exhausted, my body clock tells me it’s well past midnight with hours to go before we open the door to home at nearly 5:00 a.m. Frankfurt time, I’ll see a story right before me, but I have my doubts.

Oh, I nearly forgot; as we were on the tram into Frankfurt, I was thinking about how peculiar it is that for three weeks, we were regular fixtures in a number of people’s lives, and with that ride towards the airport, we were on our way to disappearing. Death is a lot like that, too, as every day in every city, people are born, and others die; they simply disappear. Sure, some will miss them, but the city as a kind of organism will continue to crawl about doing what it’s been doing every day, supporting those who go about surviving while oblivious to their own brief time where they are. We were in this city, living a lifetime of experiences in regard to our existence in the area for these 21 days, and now we must leave. In some strange way, we are being reincarnated back into a previous existence where we’ll resume the rituals and behaviors we left behind. On one hand, I look forward to returning to my bed, favorite coffee shop, my cooking, and some of our conveniences, but all of that could be had should we be willing to hit reset and set up a new set of routines just as we did in Frankfurt.

How nice might it be to throw a few of life’s belongings into a small container and board a ship with your reduced footprint as you are whisked away to some random place to establish a life that exists for six months before you pack up again and adapt to new circumstances yet again? Why does humanity look to plant such deep roots on a treadmill where little changes and everything remains familiar? By what kind of insanity must we be possessed that believes constant conformity and repetition is a path to any kind of happiness? The only answer can be that we are too stupid to understand that the wealthy are given just that option and that real freedom can only be found by exploring a restlessness that burns deep in the human spirit.

Caroline Wise and John Wise flying from Germany to Arizona

Well, this is a first, two movies on a flight. The second one was Dunkirk by Christopher Nolan. Great soundtrack, aside from the predictable strings orchestration contrived to drive emotions at the predictable moment of a small win, which seriously diminished the impact of the film, and the ticking stopwatch grew tedious when it was pushed too far out front, but there was something in the bleakness of futility that gave the movie power. Now, with a mere hour-thirty minutes before our arrival, the flight felt as though it was shorter than it had been. Over 90% of those on this flight have been asleep for hours now, with most window shades closed before I started watching the first movie. These people land at 3:20 in the afternoon and will need to sleep this evening; what do they know that I don’t?

Okay, I see blank spaces where letters should appear. John, you need to change your pixels from white to black as letters become words and words become sentences representing thoughts that dribble through fingers. This act of reaching into muscle memory to find key presses that allow something I vaguely know before the word starts to appear is nothing more than typing for sure, but when I think too hard about what might come next, I find myself focusing on what could be in my head and not what will appear on the screen.

I look out the window, trying to find inspiration from the Atlantic Ocean we are flying over, but only see a blue haze. A few moments before, I could see Nova Scotia and the last remnants of its island mass before leaving it behind on our trajectory toward Boston and New York City. With these quick thoughts shared, the crew emerges from the darkness armed with snacks and drinks, pushing me to press pause on this return to my external surrogate brain reflected on screen.

Tamp down the anxiety, John, as freaking out about customs when you are still this far away from dealing with that clusterfuck serves you not one bit. Instead, try to find that sense of celebration that you are once again in America, and things will show themselves not to be all that bad. In the coming days, Europe can take a few blows about things I don’t like about it or not. Hmm, this has me wondering if I really have a cohesive idea of what America is; the old clichés don’t really do it for me, and Tocqueville’s observations over 190 years ago no longer hold a lot of water for me. I have to think, who are we people from the alleged United States these days? Can we be drawn into a cultural identity that adequately offers a valid impression of the vast breadth of people that make up this land?

God damn, I have the worst reaction to landing in this country as what I see writ large across the faces of those in our airports, and these are the people that can afford air travel, is a bucket load of stupid. How, just how the hell, has our population dropped so deeply into imbecility? Go ahead and dismiss my casual observational claim here to be able to read faces, body language, clothing, and other characteristics to qualify the intellect of those around me with such aspersions, but we are displaying the depths of stupidity in the most vulgar showing of our behaviors. Now, contrast this with my own bullshit where I lament the conformity of Europeans and their desire for a bland uniform society along with China’s recent pronouncement that effeminate males will be forced out of the eye of society as they are considered to be a danger to civil society. So we have a conflict here: in America, we are free to be as stupid as we choose to be because, fuck you, I have the right to do and say what I want. In Europe, you will be ignored, shunned, and invisible if you choose to follow your own path. While in China, there’s probably some likelihood that, like the Uighur population, you’ll end up in prison for reeducation should you show signs of individuality.

This is a conundrum as when I grew up, I loved the freedom to express myself in every belligerent way I chose with no regard to who I was offending, but as I’ve grown old, my desire is to express things passionately and hopefully smartly. I love the idea of an advanced society, but not one where half of those walking around are effectively primates of a lower order. And I don’t give a rat’s ass about what personal tragedy has brought these cultural nothings to their low point; they have at least some responsibility to lend gravitas to the American character and demonstrate grace and an ability to communicate somewhat elegantly.

Like writing angry letters after midnight, I should lay off the spleen-venting after traveling in airplanes and through airports for more than half a day. My Tourette’s is in full effect after moving among the hoi polloi, not that I’m any better than anyone, but to those around me, who think their display of consumptive behavior and brand mimicry of the doltish who’ve influenced them lend them credibility, you’re wrong, as your face belies the truth hidden behind your vacuous eyes. Fuck you and your fashion; it doesn’t hide the screaming, empty idiot inside your thick skull cackling in a half-hearted attempt to demonstrate humanity. You’ve lost the game of being an advanced representative member of our species. I’m galled that I have to return to this and accept that over the coming days, I’ll need to dull myself to this reality or crack under the pressure of integrating myself with this subspecies of Neanderthals.

Maybe the sandwich Caroline and I just shared can pull me off this cliff-side of lament, but what does it really matter as rarely – if ever – do I push out for publication these vitriolic missives that paint me into the corner of arrogance my inner-seething self can be all too familiar with, especially after encountering an abundance of smart people. So, yes, it does happen that I find myself in the company of legitimate, earnest, amazing Americans, but the cramped quarters of a domestic carrier moving us cattle around is not the place.

Enough of this, as I’m tiring of myself, but should I stop writing, I’ll begin to fall asleep here somewhere west of Pennsylvania and still far east of Arizona. It’s moving towards 1:00 in the morning inside my head, though as I look outside at the white clouds streaming by underneath us, my eyes are insisting it’s still late in the day. I need to stick with this late-day mode as sleep at this time will begin to interfere with a proper night of sleep at home. But who am I fooling? When 3:00 in the morning comes around in Arizona, my brain will be begging me to explain why I’m in bed at noon when I should have already eaten breakfast and begun the process of foraging for lunch.

Yawns are not conducive to being mindfully energetic; on the contrary, they momentarily have you questioning yourself as to why you don’t give into closing your eyes a moment to deal with the tiredness. And to think, we are only about an hour and a half into this flight. I’m afraid this battle of sleepy mind versus desire could be lost as tension in the form of a headache is knocking at the back of my skull. This could also be a bit of dehydration from the avoidance of drinking anything on this flight so we can sidestep maneuvering through the tight quarters in order to use a bathroom. Jeez, I’m feeling weak.

I had to ask a flight attendant how much time was left before we landed as I just couldn’t figure it out between my computer, which says 2:00 am, my Fitbit, which says 8:00 pm, and our flight time, which became a mathematical dilemma to my wretchedly tired brain. When we finally do reach home, there is nothing in that kitchen or refrigerator that would be easily heated and eaten and those things we bought in the airport in Frankfurt to carry us through are long gone. Going back out and driving the car to fetch something sounds like a bad idea, as does walking somewhere nearby, as we’ve already heard that the temperature will be right around 100 degrees when we land. I explained my issue to Caroline, and she reminded me that maybe we can get something in the terminal after we land, but I don’t think we’d be able to sit down as we have a checked bag, and who wants to leave that going around a carousel in an airport where anyone can walk into the baggage claim area and snatch a forlorn bag? Hmm, I think I’m delirious.

Landed, and everything was already closed at the airport by 7:30 on a Tuesday night. Got our bag and headed out to grab a taxi, and luck would have it that our Bangladeshi driver felt like exploring a tangent of how anti-tax he was and how he’d be voting Republican in the future. What the fuck America, nothing to eat, it’s hot, and our driver is a South Asian extremist? I tried engaging him that America has one of the earth’s lowest tax rates among advanced countries but he countered that they got something for their taxes. So, I scratched my head and considered how Suriname, Zimbabwe, Uganda, the Republic of Congo, Papua New Guinea, India, Slovenia, and the Ivory Coast all have higher tax rates and see that money comes back to them in the form of quality of life (not that I’ve lived in those places)? Or maybe he was talking about Finland, Japan, Denmark, Austria, Sweden, or Belgium, who all pay between 13% – 20% more than we do, but that’s only in regards to America’s wealthiest earners, as 61% of Americans paid NO federal income taxes in 2020 and yet the cry from low-income earners is just below the intensity of someone screaming murder.

But why argue using statistics and logic? Just look at how Americans can no longer travel their roads as they are all dirt, and our hotels have gone bankrupt, and what does that matter anyway because our restaurants were taxed out of business, so how would one even survive on the road. With our air traffic control system destroyed, we couldn’t fly, our hospitals were regulated to the point they all moved to Belarus or Bolivia, where the personal tax rate is a low 13%, and bribing warlords to waive medical regulations proved cheaper than doing business in miserable America where nobody is happy, can’t afford gasoline, beer, milk, or bread that now costs $40 a loaf due to fake science from the Food & Drug Administration who wants to kill American children for Hillary Clinton’s death cult.

We are fucking beyond stupid, and no one is checking anyone else regarding the nonsense that spews out of idiots’ mouths. Oh yeah, we have the freedom to be as dumb as others will indulge us as we risk being shot if we challenge the abhorrent belligerence of their debased, broken minds.

A right-wing media willingly and knowingly distorts the truth with no reliable corporate or government entity calling them to task; it’s all just part of the noise of capitalism. If the speed of dissemination is rapid enough in a constant cycle, the damage done with a few hours of pedaling lies is enough to cement the disinformation into the vulnerable as effectively as COVID is robbing people of quality of life or even life itself. Jesus Christ, is this really what I returned to America for?

[On a more positive note – we had no problem moving through Immigration in DC, and nobody was interested in opening our checked bag. We arrived at the gate of our connecting flight with lots of time to spare – Caroline]