The blurry-train-in-motion motif has been relied upon time and again on our trips to Europe; my only excuse might be that with the novelty of train travel, I desperately want to exemplify not only our reliance on it but also the delight we gain from it. So, while I’m aware of the redundancy, I search for a scene that will capture a moment of my 2nd favorite form of travel (first would be bike riding), and hope for the best. A simpler explanation would be that all of this content is nothing more than breadcrumbs, left for future Caroline and me to trace our movements across time and relive things that I’ve given weight to and believed important. This theory is likely full of holes because, in my experience, people, once they reach the age of approximately 75 years, begin losing the nostalgia of looking back upon their lives. Not that they don’t treasure the past, but they no longer need markers as the most important events are compiled in their heads, and their sense of focus seems to point inwards. This has me thinking about how outside stimulus grows dull in their view, and that the gaze outward fades, leading to the question: Is this part of the process of moving closer to death?
There are different vibes to be found among people, something I would have thought to be too full of “New Age” distinctions at other times of my life, but it’s possible I’m starting to understand this phenomenon better as I grow older. Thirty-five years ago, after meeting Caroline, my poor self-esteem left me feeling hostile about meeting her mother, father, and godmother, Helga Hennemann. You see, my mother-in-law was a doctor, my father-in-law was a judge on Germany’s Federal Court of Justice, and my godmother-in-law (if such a designation exists) was an upper-level executive with Hoechst A.G., the world’s largest chemical manufacturer. As a high-school dropout with the anger of inferiority raging in my attitude (relics of my punk past), I couldn’t understand why these people of high distinction cared a lick about meeting me. My thought at the time was that they were all suspicious of the “cowboy idiot” hoodwinking Caroline. What I didn’t understand and couldn’t see in myself was that they were likely gravitating towards this person who could have reminded them of their own youthful curiosity and how awkward they might have been at an earlier age.
For more than 25 years, I’ve worked hard to avoid people who I believed were only being polite towards Caroline by insisting I accompany her on visits. They know how passionate I am about politics, social issues, education, acculturation, love, exploration, and the constant pursuit of things that fuel our curiosity. Sadly, this wasn’t something they could voice when they were in their mid-50s, nor could I question it as I was only then starting to close out my 20s, but now they are willing to share those earlier impressions or engage me in conversations that focus on those strengths. Today, I’m honored by the respect they had then and still have to this day. If anything, I’ll probably grow older with the regret that I couldn’t see them as anything other than antagonists until they were well into their 80s. What a shame it is to be myopic, even somewhat blinded, by our insecurities until it’s almost too late to repair what could have been much more satisfying relationships.
There were the clues right there, just as I found on my mother-in-law’s bookshelf back in 2021, with Hanns’ bookshelf some years ago, when I learned he had an affection for the writings of Arthur Schopenhauer, Theodor Adorno, Umberto Eco, and others. On Helga’s bookshelf, there are a few books she decided to keep after moving into the assisted living facility where she currently resides. There is Stefan Zweig, the neo-romantic, Henry Miller, who was provocative and a bit transgressive, a title from Walter Benjamin, and there is Charles Baudelaire and his Les Fleurs du mal, in English The Flowers of Evil, and for the first time I’ve learned the German title, Die Blumen des Bösen. Standing out as a glaring connection between Helga and me, Theodor Adorno’s Minima Moralia, the precursor to one of the dozen most influential books on my intellectual development, Adorno’s Dialectic of Enlightenment. From Helga’s bookshelf, I hope to learn something more from her perspective as I order the books, The Number Devil: A Mathematical Adventure, by Hans Magnus Enzensberger, and Stefan Zweig’s Decisive Moments in History: Twelve Historical Miniatures.
About our visit today: a walk on the property, through the forest, lunch in their guest dining room, and coffee in Helga’s small flat covers our time in Kronberg. The conversation moved in and out of German and English, discussing travel along with everything and nothing. Even at 85 years old and having suffered a stroke, Helga is still the dynamo who wants to do it all and remains an inspiration to Caroline of what it means to be a strong, independent woman.
From a bus in Kronberg, to a train into Frankfurt, and on foot across Römer, we utilize our limited time to connect as frequently as possible to the people important to us. First, a stop to photograph iconic sites we’ve seen a thousand times before.
And then it was on to Jutta for some mom time between mother and daughter, with a bit of son-in-law thrown in for laughs. For a couple of hours, down in the lobby of Lebenshaus, we chatted with Jutta, told her of our visit with Helga, how we’d see Hanns the next day, and of our upcoming trip to France. After bringing her upstairs to join the others for dinner, Caroline and I took the opportunity to grab a bite to eat, too.
Rather unexpectedly, we were able to skirt across town towards Bornheim for a trip to Döneria, after I had been fairly certain we’d not be able to carve time out during this trip to visit the home of my current favorite Döner Kebab. But here it is, glorious and perfect, the greatest combination of everything that makes for an awesome Döner. While Caroline didn’t order her own, claiming she wasn’t all that hungry, she certainly enjoyed every bite I shared with her. Following this gastronomic miracle, we dragged ourselves back to Heddernheim to finish the night with Klaus and Stephanie, another full day without a moment wasted.
Hot update coming in: Here I was, starting to review my notes about our drive to France and identifying the images I would share. It was then that I saw a stray note that was meant for this day, and what a monumental event that was, almost neglected on these pages. You see, when we arrived back at House Engelhardt after dinner at Döneria, we found Klaus was away for judo practice, and before anything else was able to transpire, I turned into the kitchen following Caroline. What I’d missed was that as she went to the other chair to take off her shoes, she’d dropped her bag in my chair. I transitioned into a sitting position without a clue that it wasn’t to last but the briefest of milliseconds. Unfortunately for me, a knitting needle in the bag was strategically sitting upright so that my left butt cheek received a skewering, which in my mind’s eye, or ass, felt like it went for bone. I can’t say I actually sat down but sprang up like Jack leaping from his box, only there wasn’t any cutesy song accompanying my plaintive cry. I was seriously punctured, requiring a very physical pull at the needle to remove it from my rear end. Hurting more from the effect on my leg muscle, it took a good long while before I was able to calm down to try and find the humor in the situation. Writing this update on June 9th, it’s almost four weeks later, and while there has never been a sign of infection, the muscle descending behind my knee is still feeling the remnants of pain.