Santa Fe and the Turquoise Trail

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Our time at the International Folk Art Market has come to an end, as will our time in Santa Fe today. We considered adding an extra night here, but the mystery of how to spend our day was less intriguing than the idea that if are moving somewhere, we’ll have to spontaneously decide to do things that are relatively unknown. Our agenda contained only one fixed item to explore when we departed Santa Fe; some months ago, we picked up a brochure for the Turquoise Trail, which had captured our curiosity, so there’s that. We are also switching our breakfast plans and venturing into the old town to Tia Sofia’s, because this early in the morning on a Sunday, the streets are not yet busy.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Sure enough, things are quiet on the streets of Santa Fe.

Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Uncertain about whether we’d be able to grab steps during a day that might feature a lot of driving, it was essential that we attempt to get in at least a couple of thousand while still in the cool of the day. It turns out that we’d never visited the Loretto Chapel, but that’s about to be rectified.

Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe, New Mexico

The church was consecrated 145 years ago in 1878, and while the surrounding girls’ school known as the Loretto Academy fell to the wrecking ball back in 1968, the deconsecrated church was saved, becoming a museum and wedding chapel so it didn’t have to become a victim to progress too. Consequently, it costs $5 to enter the space still maintained by the entity that took over the property so many years ago.

Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe, New Mexico

This spiral staircase is a major draw as it features two complete 360-degree turns without a center pole for support. This means that the entire weight of the staircase rests on the bottom step, which some would say defies what should be possible. I have to say that the photo in the chapel showing about a dozen young ladies standing on this spring-like staircase is intriguing; maybe of yet even greater interest is that for the first ten years the staircase existed, there was no handrail. Needless to say, visitors are not allowed to ascend the steps.

Loretto Chapel in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Jesus wept. John 11:35. Actually, I wrote this at 4:39 p.m., but referencing 11:35 sounded more poetic.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Like a bazaar from another age, a rug and basket trader is set up across the street from the church.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Next to the trader is this confused sculptor who presents us with “Adoration of the alien preparing to eat souls.” Get yours at the Wildhorse Gallery of Santa Fe across the street from the Loretto Chapel. In case aliens are not your thing, they also have live-sized Iron Man sculptures.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

Most of Santa Fe does not look like the old town center, sadly.

Mass at the Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Be careful, parishioners attending mass here at the Basilica of St. Francis of Assisi: there are four angels nearby playing a summoning song while a bronze version of an alien satan is waiting to eat your souls. You’ve been warned.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

While the streets of Santa Fe are still quiet, that’s about to change.

Santa Fe, New Mexico

On the main square, the Native American vendors selling handcrafted objects have been setting up, which means that the onslaught is about to begin, signaling Caroline and me to get out of town, or at least the city center.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Upon arriving in Santa Fe the other day, we learned that our reservation wasn’t for as long as we thought it was. At the time, Caroline suggested we extend it for the extra night so we could spend Sunday visiting museums, but I liked the idea that we move southeast at some point on Sunday so we’d be better positioned for a shorter drive home: a compromise to have the best of both worlds. As a surprise to Caroline, on the way out of the downtown area, I turned left, knowing beforehand that this would take us to Museum Hill instead of staying on the road we were on, which would lead us south and consequently into the general direction of home. This detour is going to take us to the Museum of Indian Arts & Culture.

The first photo I’m sharing from the museum is a pitcher which is approximately 1,000 years old and originated in the Tularosa Basin that was once occupied by members of the Anasazi and Mogollon cultures in southeastern New Mexico. The design references the region, and accordingly, its style is named Tularosa. Maybe I’ve not paid attention prior to today, but the designs are called isomeric patterns, and those on the neck specifically are tesselated isomer patterns. Search engines didn’t want to give up the secret of isomer patterns, insisting that I was looking for information about polyatomic ions, which are known as isomers. Artificial Intelligence to the rescue! Bard explained the following:

These patterns are based on the use of paired forms that can be perceived as reversible. This means that the same design can be seen as either a foreground object or a background pattern, depending on how the viewer’s eye interprets it.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

The more you learn about Native American culture on this continent, the better you can appreciate how difficult it is to visit a museum that adequately approaches a comprehensive overview of the people of this land prior to conquest. While the National Museum of the American Indian in Washington D.C. is the largest, it is one of more than 100 museums with a heavy or exclusive focus on Native American culture. As I sit here asking ChatGPT to continue adding more museums to the list, I realize that we could spend months on the road traveling the country to take in as many Native American museums as we could, and still, we’d only see a fraction of them.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

How this net bag survived hidden in the earth for 2,000 years or more boggles the mind. Equally intriguing is the knowledge that the people who made this were out harvesting plant fibers, treating them, and spinning them before configuring the resulting cordage into a bag in which they placed goods or pottery they’d carry with them for some undeterminable number of years before the bag was lost, forgotten, or thrown away.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Another example of Tularosa pottery, though it might also be a Reserve type. As an effigy jar from between 1100 and 1150 CE, the shape depicts a bird, which is not unusual for this type of pottery in the Southwest, though this piece is one of the most detailed and realistic recovered so far.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

There’s a terrific video here in the museum about the making of this turkey feather blanket by Mary Weahkee of the Santa Clara Pueblo/Comanche people. The cloak is made from about 17,000 feathers from turkeys that only produce about 600 feathers per bird. She also points out that turkeys were not indigenous to this part of North America and arrived in the southwest from trade with the Aztecs.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Returning to my thought about the number of museums and the time required to see many of them, it pains me to some small degree that Caroline and I were not more prepared or aware of opportunities while we wandered the United States. Our first interest was often national parks and the landscape of the country before turning our attention to what else might be in the vicinity of our travels. I suppose the good thing is that should we somehow embark on taking in America’s Native American museums, the rest of the population will likely still be preoccupied with capturing selfie-trophies inspired by the influencers they are chained to instead of investigating the history of a people that lived on the lands prior to the arrival of all of us outsiders. This painting is titled “Father Sky, Mother Earth” and was created by Navajo artist Tony Abeyta in 1995.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

Realistic people and animals depicted on pottery were hallmarks of the Mimbres style of Puebloan people a thousand years ago.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

So few pay homage to the Native American peoples and subsequently display a high level of disrespect or simply ignore their heritage and presence. Due to this disrespect, there is much of their culture they’d rather not share with us. This was made clear to Caroline and me upon visiting our first Kachina dance on the Hopi Mesas. As I look at this depiction of a corn dance, I can only dream of ever witnessing it with my own eyes as, too often, the Puebloan people have a mistrust of what we’ll do with the information and images we take away. At least there’s some solace in knowing that colonialization didn’t absolutely destroy a rich culture worth preserving. This 1933 painting titled “Corn Dance” was created by self-taught artist Awa Tsireh (also known as Alfonso Roybal and Cattail Bird) of the San Ildefonso Pueblo.

Museum of Indian Arts & Culture in Santa Fe, New Mexico

This is quite possibly my favorite sculpture ever with the motion, layers, mystery, sense of musicality, the essence of a warrior, and the feeling of the shaman being present. I feel that the sculptor hit the mark in creating something that makes one wonder, “Who was this?”

Santa Fe Botanical Garden, New Mexico

Across the way from Museum Hill lies the Santa Fe Botanical Garden and our last stop in town before we hit the road.

Santa Fe Botanical Garden, New Mexico

Still-green juniper berries are interesting enough, but the beautiful aroma from the plants brought magic to the rather small garden.

Along the Turquoise Trail in New Mexico

On our way out of Santa Fe, we stopped at the Iconik Coffee Roastery in a hipster corner of the city. As though things could get any trendier in this place, the coffee was of particular interest to us because they supply the Pantry where we often eat breakfast and seriously enjoy their java. The roastery has a great look and feel, and it turned out that we could get lunch there, so that’s just what we did. A short time later, we were satisfied and sipping our cold brews while heading south on the Turquoise Trail. Life was good but was about to get better: an old guy in a van sitting roadside next to the Lone Butte General Store was selling something that looked promising and required further investigation. Pecans and roasted pinons were coming home with us.

Along the Turquoise Trail in New Mexico

What we wouldn’t give to see a cow abducted by aliens, but like those antelope crossing signs, we know full well by now that we’ll never see for ourselves the promised sight.

Cerrillos, New Mexico on the Turquoise Trail

Hey Pope, what gives? We pulled into the tiny town of Los Cerrillos with the St. Joseph Catholic Church ON A SUNDAY, and the doors were locked. See if we ever go to Los Cerrillos, New Mexico, again.

Along the Turquoise Trail in New Mexico

While it’s not easy to see in this photo, that’s Santa Fe way out there at the foot of the Sangre de Cristo Mountains just left of center. We are about 40 miles or more from the peaks touching the clouds.

San Francisco de Asis Catholic Church in Golden, New Mexico

Okay, the first note to the Pope was meant tongue-in-cheek, but here we are in faraway Golden, New Mexico, ready to visit the San Francisco de Asis Catholic Church, and while the gates were open, the doors of the church were not. We were not only out here for sightseeing; we were also on a pilgrimage that required we stop and pray at every Catholic church we encountered, and we were being denied. I swear, one more time of finding ourselves locked out, I’ll turn to the dark side and join the Church of Satan.

Sandia Crest National Scenic Byway near Albuquerque, New Mexico

Good thing we got out of Santa Fe when we did and that those churches were closed otherwise, we may not have had time to turn onto the Sandia Crest National Scenic Byway to see where the road goes.

Sandia Crest near Albuquerque, New Mexico

As we reached the crest, the couple on the right just got engaged and asked if we could take their photo. Just then, the couple on the left who were sitting nearby spoke up and told all of us that they, too came up here to get engaged, having done so in the minutes before the other couple arrived. So, I asked them all to come together so I could grab a photo of the happy couples on their way to marriage.

Sandia Crest near Albuquerque, New Mexico

This might be the best view of Albuquerque anyone might ever see. I don’t mean to imply my photo is particularly beautiful, but that from 10,678 feet (3,254 meters), the city doesn’t look as horrid, dirty, and crime-ridden as it really is. Seriously, that city down there wins in many categories of crime, including violence and property violations. Reading up on the contributing factors, I see that limited economic opportunities, poor urban planning, homelessness, financial hardship, substance abuse, and the city’s location as a thoroughfare and hub for a variety of interstate criminal activities all play a role. Looking at it this way has me thinking about the very city we live in, Phoenix, Arizona, but still, Albuquerque is special in the depravity of it all. In some inexplicable way, one simply senses it when down there.

Late afternoon somewhere near Albuquerque, New Mexico

Like a fear of werewolves and vampires, Albuquerqueans must eat dinner before the sun goes down: at 8:00 p.m., finding an open restaurant becomes a near impossibility. We race towards the city I’d rather avoid because, like the Catholic churches in this state are closed on Sunday, most of the damned restaurants are closed too, but we found one place that promises to be open until 9:00. Was it any good? Hell no, as it reflects the environment of this tortured city, but the setting sun with the vast horizon is rather beautiful.

Sunset off Interstate 40 in Western New Mexico

We are on our way to Gallup, New Mexico, for the night, and the spectacular skies force us off Interstate 40 to capture the moment. If this isn’t the kind of iconic southwest sunset one dreams of, then nothing is.

Busy Day in Los Angeles

Santa Monica, California

Maybe it is a luxury of familiarity to guiltlessly use it as an excuse for sleeping in, or are we just lazy? I prefer blaming it on growing older, but then again, admitting that age might be playing a role could convince me that the passage of time is indeed occurring while I try to maintain the illusion that it’s waiting on me. In some sense, time is waiting on my arrival, ready to place me in its past after my run is over.

Fortunately, this morning was not yet my moment to find the exit, and so, without further ado, Caroline and I jumped in the car and drove toward the ocean. Too early for breakfast, which begins at 8:00, we parked in front of the café of our dreams and walked a mile to the sea looming in the distance. I snapped this photo of the mother of St. Augustine of Hippo, a.k.a. Santa Monica, to note the start of our day in Southern California, and then we made our way back up Wilshire Boulevard.

Huckleberry Cafe in Santa Monica, California

Everything about this visit to the Los Angeles area is a luxury; no matter how low cost we try to keep things, there’s no being cheap here. Believe it or not, our motel is on the inexpensive side at $165 a night. Breakfast, on the other hand, doesn’t allow for skimping: although alternatives exist, we were not going to miss eating at Huckleberry Cafe even though we spent $81 for the first meal of the day.

Whoa, I hope that was for more than a pastry and cup of coffee, John? Well, as a matter of fact, we each had the Huckleberry signature breakfast of bacon and eggs with avocado, potatoes, and the most amazing homemade English muffin ever, in addition to a pastry each and a lemon scone that Caroline ordered to go. Mind you, the food charge was only $68 with a 20% tip of $13, bringing the grand total to the aforementioned sum.

Maybe I did this backward, talking about the price before explaining why we return to this café again and again. We love everything about this place, the incredible quality with extraordinary attention to detail that creates an experience worth indulging in as often as we can.

Caroline Wise in the surf in Santa Monica, California

While the idea of a nap was calling, beckoning, pleading, for us to return to whatever residual warmth might have remained in the bed we left 90 minutes earlier, we were not giving in because the vastness and gravity of the Pacific Ocean were tugging at our senses.

The only fixed appointment on the itinerary for this visit from Arizona was a 10:00 reservation at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, down the road from Malibu. With time to spare, we pulled up to the ocean for a walk on the beach. Not only was Caroline able to play in the surf barefoot, but we also saw a few cormorants holding out their wings to dry while at least one seal hung out on a distant rock.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Here we are at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades for our second visit ever. As of this writing, I can’t say when the last one was as I couldn’t find a record of that trip on my blog, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t been here; it only implies that I can be sloppy in my vigilance of always sharing everything. Then again, this isn’t a blog of the erotic, so that’s not here either, though as you scroll down, there had been an ancient wine bowl featuring a copulating couple, but in my effort to reduce the number of images from 65 down to 35 out of the 376 photos I shot over the course of the entire day meant that one was one that fell to the ax.

J. Paul Getty, upon building his Spanish-style ranch overlooking the Pacific Ocean, may have not yet known that his art collection would outgrow his home. His former residence today serves as a museum library, but the rest of the grounds were developed to house part of his collection. I say a “part of his collection” because even more of his stuff is over at The Getty, which is only about 8 miles away.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

After walking along the pool and fountains and admiring the lush gardens, the first piece that greeted us indoors was this sculpture from the Cycladic period, estimated to be about 5,000 years old. The artist is obviously unknown, but I can’t help but be impressed by the idea that I will likely never create something so enduring with such a fine hand and eye interpreting the essence of a moment out of my own contemporary history. Just as the well-worn marble of this sculpture conveys its own story, I’ll use my page to once again share my own well-worn story about the disdain for all those humans around me who are happy to do much of nothing aside from consuming the banal culture of television, video games, and celebrity.

Art by Peter Paul Rubens at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Around 1620, Peter Paul Rubens painted this work titled A Satyr Holding a Basket of Grapes and Quinces with a Nymph. If anyone cares, I believe this satyr is a proto-hipster who has been defining men’s appearance for the past ten years.

Art by Peter Paul Rubens at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

This enchanting work is also from Rubens. There’s so much going on, and in some ways, it is quite psychedelic. Titled The Discovery of the Infant Erichthonius, it features an infant with serpent legs, but it is the depiction of Diana of Ephesus in the top right that really captured my attention. Caroline informed me that Diana has often been depicted with dozens of breasts, so maybe Rubens, only including five of them, is denying us viewers the truth. Caroline couldn’t have cared less about the boobs; she wanted to know what that blond, mulleted man was doing with his left hand. [After revisiting the story of Erichthonius, I must concede that mullet-man is actually the third daughter of Cecrops; hips don’t lie after all. – Caroline]

Art by Peter Paul Rubens at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

This is the last piece from Rubens I’ll feature here; it is titled Death of Seneca. According to the placard that accompanies this painting, containing some things I should have been taught in school: Seneca was a tutor of Emperor Nero, and the idea behind this work is that Seneca has been sentenced to commit suicide and is being slowly bled out into the tub.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Hello Jupiter, tell me how yer doing. That’s right when I think of sculptures of gods named after planets, the summer of 1990 jumps into my conscious with the lyrics of Dr. Alban singing from Sweden about his motherland Nigeria and Africa. If you weren’t listening to Euro-pop back in the early 90s, you probably have no idea what I’m referencing by Jove. Would you know about the Roman King of the Gods, either?

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Fragment of a sarcophagus with a visualization of the story from the Myth of Endymion, the shepherd prince.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Bear with me for a second on this one. This bronze, nearly 2,000-year-old eagle statue might have been the iPhone or Tesla of its day. What I mean to say is that if you were a foreign visitor arriving in Rome a couple of thousand years ago and you’d never seen such bronze works, this would have been the height of technological and artistic creativity. We humans, in my opinion, appear to believe that the era we are living in is the most complex and advanced society that has yet existed, but why should we begin to think that every preceding culture wasn’t experiencing the exact same sentiment? I can only imagine the sense of awe that other Neanderthals must have felt more than 60,000 years ago when one of them, after carving four holes in a young cave bear’s thigh bone, blew air through this early flute and those present fell into astonishment that they had come so far.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Earlier, I wrote of J. Paul Getty’s home and of the grounds where his art is housed well; this museum is an inspired replica of the Villa dei Papiri (Villa of Papyruses) in Naples, Italy, that was buried by Mount Vesuvius in A.D. 79, preserving much of what lay hidden for centuries. This fresco is but one small section taken during excavation when treasures would simply be taken and sold with little regard to preserving artifacts in situ.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Meet the feet of the Mummy of Herakleides. Why would an Egyptian burial process be featured in a museum that seems to be focusing on all things Roman Empire? You can look at an old map of that empire and either refresh or memory or learn that a large part of Egypt fell under the Roman Empire. This burial happened just before Christianity put an end to the process of mummification, or so that’s the way I understand it.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

History sure opens doors in my mind as this statue that is possibly that of Tiberius of Star Trek fame…you know, James T. Kirk? Oh my, I think I just heard my wife groan as she proofreads this in the near future. Okay, Emperor Tiberius, prior to acquiring his title, suppressed rebels in Dalmatia (modern Croatia), where this statue was found not far from the ruins of Solana (near present-day Split).

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

I don’t own a silver drinking horn, but if I did, I tend to think I’d prefer one with a hybrid praying mantis crossed with a scorpion locked in an embrace with the eagle in the photo above. Considering this, I realize I don’t even own a single thing that’s 2,000 years old or even 200 years old, though I do own a copy of a book printed in 1959, which is not really a good foundation for building my own museum.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Balsamarium in the form of a boxer’s head, a balsamarium is a vessel containing oil. This bronze container is approximately 2,000 years old, triggering the idea that the golden age of Rome must have been about 400 years before its fall.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Various Roman bronze dishes from 1 – 79 AD.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Orpheus and the Sirens floating out of the underworld.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

We look upon this Volute Krater (vessel for mixing wine and water) featuring Apollo and Artemis from 2,500 years ago, and we immediately understand its historic and artistic value, but if I were to break out my terracotta-vase-making kit and paint a naked me on it along with Caroline working her sprang loom while our cat (now deceased) looked on with curiosity, I don’t believe anyone would find artistic merit to it; such is art. I should point out that my painting skills amount to poor outline drawings, maybe half a step beyond stick people, so I would obviously have to accept rejection.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Excuse me, ladies, might you be the Sirens? If so, please dash my brain upon the rocks at the shore as this thing in my head that chose to share so many images from this day is approaching a state of dysfunction and betrayal.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

These instructions for the underworld inscribed on a gold tablet from about 300 BC reads:

(Initiate) I am parched with thirst and perishing!

(Spring) Then come drink of me, the Ever-Flowing Spring, on the right–a white cypress is there. Who are you? Where are you from?

(Initiate) I am the son of Earth and Starry Heaven. But my race is heavenly.

Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

To put it simply, this is being shared as a reminder to my wife how much she liked the plump little fat rolls that added a sense of realism for her.

Ancient Assyrian reliefs at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

The Royal Lion Hunt is the name given to this Assyrian relief sculpture that is approaching its 3,000th birthday. This and the following pieces are on loan from the British Museum, London.

Ancient Assyrian reliefs at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Protective Spirits.

Ancient Assyrian reliefs at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Detail from the above panel stems from Nineveh and is believed to have been created during the reign of Ashurbanipal, the last great king of Assyria.

Ancient Assyrian reliefs at the Getty Villa in Pacific Palisades, California

Blending man, beast, and bird, the artists of what was then the largest empire on earth had no shortage of imagination or skills needed to create such beautiful, long-lasting works that only hint at their worldview. After taking in just about every square inch of the Getty Villa, it was time for a break to rest our now-aching feet. We found a table on the terrace of the Museum Café where I was able to write, and Caroline knitted while we shared a coffee and sparkling water in a fancy blue bottle. When we left, it was too late for lunch and too early for dinner, so we decided to squeeze in a new-to-us destination.

South Coast Botanical Garden at the Palos Verdes Estates, California

Welcome to the South Coast Botanical Garden on the Palos Verdes Peninsula. This is no ordinary garden, though; in many ways, that’s exactly what it looks like. We are standing atop a former mine that was sold in 1956 to Los Angeles County, which used it as a landfill until 1961. April of that year saw the first planting of trees that would become an integral part of this botanical garden which now plays host to more than 200,000 plants and has had Prince Charles visit to learn about the reclamation efforts invested here. Today, it’s John and Caroline who will walk these grounds hoping to discover some toy or soup can working its way through the earth for us to find.

South Coast Botanical Garden at the Palos Verdes Estates, California

This is a Paperbark Tree originally from Australia

South Coast Botanical Garden at the Palos Verdes Estates, California

The next tree to capture my attention is this White Floss Silk Tree native to Peru and Argentina. I can’t admit to understanding its name and feel it would make more sense if it were called Fat Elephant Limbs With Fuck-Off Spikes.

South Coast Botanical Garden at the Palos Verdes Estates, California

That Fat Elephant tree has some nice-looking flowers, though.

South Coast Botanical Garden at the Palos Verdes Estates, California

No, this tree is not called Tree With Poop Pods; it is the Lace Bark Tree.

South Coast Botanical Garden at the Palos Verdes Estates, California

This is Angel’s Trumpet and is from the Datura family, meaning it should never be consumed because if it doesn’t kill you, you might wish you were dead instead of suffering the disturbing hallucinations it’s said to have.

As an experiment in reclamation, the South Coast Botanical Garden is an amazing example, but as far as Southern California gardens go, we’ll stick with the Descanso and Huntington Gardens. Barely 10 miles away is our dinner destination, and after missing lunch, we’re plenty hungry as the garden is closing here at 5:00. [While John makes it sound as if the South Coast Botanical Garden is “less than,” one should keep in mind that not only is Winter not exactly the best time to visit a botanical garden in the Northern Hemisphere, we were also here in the hour before sunset which didn’t really help its appearance. In addition, several garden sections were closed off because of “Glow,” which features creative lighting arrangements between the trees and shrubs and other nighttime entertainment. Unfortunately, we hadn’t been aware of Glow, and while we were somewhat tempted to hide between the shrubs to avoid having to leave and get new tickets for the event, our hungry stomachs told us differently. – Caroline]

Caroline Wise at San Pedro Fish Market, California

San Pedro Fish Market is a hopping lively place, even in a pandemic. Not an inexpensive affair but worth every penny for the price of entry. You are looking at $96 of shrimp fajitas with peppers, onion, and potatoes, garlic bread, lemons, corn, shrimp cocktail, and a michelada. While we barely touched the garlic bread, nearly everything else disappeared because this restaurant on the harbor never disappoints. Another point worth noting, we ordered the “cheap plate” as it was just the two of us. Had we added a whole fish, a small lobster, and a few crab legs, we could have easily spent a few hundred dollars feasting here, and it is serious feasting at its best.

Elvis impersonator at San Pedro Fish Market, California

All of our previous visits had been early in the day, just as they opened, to avoid the worst of the crowds. Well, that turned out to be a flaw in our planning because, at least on Saturday nights, they feature karaoke, including this guy rocking a solid Elvis impersonation. A kid no older than about ten did a mean Montell Jordan as he stomped between the tables with a mic in hand, telling us This Is How We Do It.

From the San Pedro Fish Market, California at night

This view of the harbor is our departing shot as we look back at Terminal Island, enchanted that we have experienced a perfect day.

Hawaii – Day 8

Sunrise at Kahili Mountain Park on Kauai, Hawaii

The sun is slowly creeping over the mountains, allowing the water droplets on the surrounding plants to glisten. Clouds are showing hues of red and pink, triggering a chicken in these early moments of the new day to stroll right by me up the stairs of our cabin like this is what it does. By the time I can start to say the words “Caroline close the…..” that chicken was well within the four walls of its new prison and our hell. Two minutes earlier, it would have won a Darwin award as it bolted right for the gas stove that had been cooking our breakfast. Fortunately for us, we now only had to get a raucous chicken out the door it came through instead of dealing with a floundering ball of flames that would have likely burned our cabin to the ground.

Caroline immediately tried shooing it away, but it took flight and landed on a light fixture, where it cackled at my wife; surely it was laughing at her. It’s almost three seconds into our tropical chicken adventure before I join Caroline, who is now armed with a broom and trying to take a swat at the unwelcome boisterous guest. I’m barely through the door which blocked its escape; my bad. Encountering me at the entrance, the chicken bolts left to land on our bed. I rush it, but this chicken is mind-reading my intention and launches itself overhead to land on the top of the bathroom door. Either in a show of fear or total disrespect, it let off a gob of liquishit. Not to be distracted, we keep up the pressure, but it’s already landing on my clean shirt on the second bed. I’m certain it is there to display supremacy and shit on my clothes but lucky for us, it was out of ammunition.

All of a sudden, the chicken is not at my center of focus as Caroline has gone primordial and becomes as animated as our fowl friend. She leaps on the bed in what can only be described as a dominant chicken pose and corners the errant bird. Two or three exchanges of position and Caroline establishes her place in the food chain using her shirt as a bullfighter’s mantilla, ushering this bird brain right out the door. We are near-hysterical in laughter at this point from the chaos this chicken has brought.

Now able to eat our breakfast, it isn’t long before Caroline is under the banana leaves showering while I purge our nest of the poo our visitor left us. We briefly discussed staying here the entire day to explore the 197 acres of the park, but instead will head to Hanalei.

Caroline Wise at Hanalei Strings Yarn Store on Kauai, Hawaii

It’s before 9:00 as we travel down Kauai’s first paved road toward Koloa. This tree-lined tunnel is beautiful and a pleasure to travel on every time. I’m loathe to turn around to continue on our journey from this brief detour, and going all the way to the fish market doesn’t matter anyway, as they don’t open until 10:00. But you never know if things can go your way unless you try your chances. I pulled up right in front of their door, which was slightly ajar, stepped in while excusing myself, and blurted out, “We’d just LOVE two poke Bentos for the road today.” The guy says, “Sure!”

Back through the tunnel, I turned off the main road toward Anini Beach. It’s gorgeous here, perfect even. Some windsurfers are in the shallows, receiving lessons in the art of standing on a tiny board in a vast ocean. Watching them exercise their determination as they crawl back up, again and again, we decided why wait for lunch so we broke out our brunch and accepted that we might be overeating today.

Finally, at the Hanalei Strings shop, where they sell yarn and ukuleles, Caroline is on one side stroking the fibers before rubbing them on her cheek to see if they pass the softness test while I was looking at ukes.

For over a decade I’ve listened to Caroline tell me how she’d like to learn how to play this instrument that is so very intertwined with Hawaii. Now, here we are in Hawaii at a shop that sells these things, and she wants to hem and haw about not having the time to learn it, how much they cost, and that she could order one online in the future.

I took her over to the counter, and the saleswoman put a ukulele in her hands. She showed Caroline a C chord and told her to strum it; her face turned to ukulele happiness. I could feel her starting to crack. Another uke was handed to her, and then another; this last one was a $1200 work of art. I asked, “Anything between the $65 Chinese unit and this Stratokalele?” Not able to choose between what we were shown, we asked the lady to play the three models she had chosen. A locally made ukulele ended up the winner and a free case was thrown in! If only you could have seen Caroline’s face as she walked away from Hanalei Strings with her great new uke.

Not able to spend another penny in Hanalei, we set off to finish the drive west; we didn’t make it, though, because the police had the road blocked. So we turned around to visit the Limahuli Garden and Preserve we’d passed along the way.

This is the kukui or candlenut tree and is the state tree of Hawaii. At one time, they were used for making candles, hence their name. The blossom of the kukui is also the official island lei material of Moloka’i.

The bird of paradise related to the banana plant is not native to the islands but is instead from South Africa.

Monstera deliciosa is also not a native of Hawaii, though these invasive species thrive here. You might have guessed that this is also known as the Swiss cheese plant.

The thick green blanket eats light while tossing back oxygen and moisture it doesn’t have a need for. This exchange conveys the necessities the majority of life on our planet requires to be alive. How we treat it is a measure of how we effectively treat our mothers.

The blood of trees flows out of the forest, allowing us to participate in the ritual of replacing the water that must also flow through us.

Cellular level activity not only creates the plant itself but powers the machine that pumps water from the ground into the sky. The plant is the membrane that exists between us and the vacuum of nothingness.

Breadfruit at Limahuli Garden and Preserve on Kauai, Hawaii

Breadfruit is said to taste like potato and, when cooked, is similar to freshly baked bread. The wood pulp of this plant is used for making paper and cloth, as we described on Day 4 while in Hawaii visiting the Bishop Museum. Click here to view that entry.

Upon the sunlight, plant, and water Caroline and I are afforded the fuel that allows our bodies to move our brains around in order that our senses collect impressions and skills that we will share with others. Such is the symbiosis of being alive on Earth.

I try to imagine life in Hawaii 300 years ago on an island without predators. A place where food easily grows, fresh water is abundant, and the essentials of life surround you. On any given day, one could jump into the warm waters of the ocean or meander on a circumnavigation of the island, as there would be no demand for one to return to operate a machine or pay rent. I can only wonder what the future holds for a society bent on a kind of enslavement to both ignorance and economy.

Opeakaa Falls in Wailua is our last stop of the day before returning to our cabin in order to wash the clothes that have eight days of accumulated grime on them. After performing our laundry chores, Caroline fires up the ukelele and crushes a virtuoso rendition of The Hawaiian War Chant. No, she didn’t, she actually kind of roughed it, but for a few minutes, I felt like we were in the Tiki Room at Disneyland, kind of.

Just in case tomorrow is the apocalypse, or some other version of doom unfolds that involves the end of the world, we at least were out in Hawaii and were pretty happy being here while it lasted.

Hawaii – Day 3

Taking our time may be contrary to our natures, but we’ve been to Hawaii before and so we are committed to this visit to go slow. Six years ago, we couldn’t be blamed for thinking our time on the islands might be our first and last, and so we rushed to see as much as we could. We’re certainly older but probably no wiser (besides being Wise), still, we have to try and make the most of our limited resource of time and immerse ourselves as deeply as possible so our memories might form deep roots.

Caroline and I are in some ways like the water lilies in this photo or would like to be. Meaning that while we find beauty on the surface and can explore delight in the watery garden floating on still-glistening water, our connection to even a muddy foundation is held fast. And though our roots are immovable regarding who we are in our essence, we are like the bloom standing tall over the water below, catching a breeze that has us waving in the wind so we may see more of the world we live in and upon.

If we never moved, how could we be here to encounter flowers such as this? The non-sentient plant will send out its seed, and with favorable conditions and a vast enough space across time, it might spread its species to faraway corners. That plant, though, will never know where its descendants ultimately ended up. We humans, on the other hand, are sentient beings that briefly have a near-total awareness of our place, and with our ability to recollect our past, we can choose to live a life full of experiences that define something more than mere existence at the moment. We, too, will never know where our descendants may go, but we can know where we have been and what we’ve learned.

This doesn’t require us to go to Hawaii to gather these lessons, but it does mean we have to look closer at the world around us. Not everyone is as fortunate as Caroline and I or maybe as curious either; this, though, doesn’t inhibit people from at least becoming aware of a lack of curiosity and then cultivating it. Slow down, read about things you know nothing about such as the history of Alexander von Humboldt or the ocean crossings of Thor Heyerdahl. These are only examples of something you may not yet have heard about, but these people and what they found played important roles in our perspectives of how people have come to relate to our Earth. The same goes for others who ventured out on unsure footings either on the surface of our planet or in the depths of their mind. Just because there’s nothing below you but a thin leaf of support doesn’t mean that the view of the world from above is nothing less than spectacular. First, you must take the risk of exploring areas and things you never knew existed.

We are exploring the Waimea Valley Botanical Garden and we’re taking our time to do it. The Waimea Valley here on the North Shore of O’ahu is what is known as an ahupua‘a. That somewhat difficult word to pronounce for non-Hawaiians is a pie-like slice of land that stretches from the interior of the island to shore and was considered to have everything required for a group of Hawaiians to properly live and thrive. In the highlands were medicinal plants and the woods required for dwellings and watercraft. Below that is farmland for bananas, taro, breadfruit, sweet potato, and coconut. At the sea, an abundance of fish was readily available for the early Polynesians who discovered the islands to enjoy their island paradise. Today, the Waimea Valley is 1,875 acres of land, of which the botanical garden occupies 300 acres. Within this corner of the island, there are over 5,000 tropical and subtropical plants. We plan to see each and every one of them.

On our second visit to the biome known as a tropical forest, we became more familiar with one of the major habitats we humans have populated. To date, Caroline and I have visited six of the eight major biomes, and although we were close to a boreal forest while we were in Quebec last year, we have yet to visit one; the same goes for the tundra. The list of habitats is as follows: tundra, taiga (also called boreal forest), temperate deciduous forest (Eastern United States), scrub forest (called chaparral in California), grassland (the Great Plains), desert (we live in one of the major desert types of which there are four), tropical rain forest (right here on Hawaii), and temperate rainforests such as the ones we visit in Oregon and Washington.

Champagne beehive ginger, just the name, makes you want to sample it. Maybe the gift shop has some beehive ginger candy? Nope, other than an infrequent food item and some alleged medicinal use there’s not much the plant offers at this time other than it’s beautiful. Hmmm, when I think about it this way, it’s much like the majority of life, and I guess that’s good enough.

You know you always wanted to go to Heliconia and back. You can’t, though, because Heliconia isn’t a place, and it’s not found in Arizona either. This tropical plant is also known as lobster-claw, toucan peak, wild plantains, or false bird-of-paradise. The white seeds in the claw are not ripe yet; when they are, they will turn a dark blue-purple, which drives the birds wild; well, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it sure sounds dramatic.

This is a picture of a tropical donkel. Yes, you read that right, part donkey, part camel. You’ll notice the large protruding hump on its back, which is unique to the female of the species. Darwin once speculated that the male of the species is too lazy to carry his own shit and that, somehow, it convinced the female to adapt and evolve this permanent growth on its back where the male could store the things he couldn’t be bothered to carry. The two enjoy a symbiotic relationship where the ass and donkel are able to move through the environment with everything needed for survival carried by the docile female.

I’m not even going to try and tell you what this is because I have no idea, but it looked amazing.

It’s already a lucky day just being on O’ahu, but here we are getting to see the endangered Hawaiian Moorhen, also called `alae `ula in Hawaiian. Not only is it endangered and rare, but the bird is typically quite secretive and will dash for cover at any disturbance. There are an estimated 250 to 450 of the birds left and we had this opportunity to see one with our very own eyes. So, while anybody could have watched the North Shore surfing competition live or on TV at some point, few will ever be witness to this bird’s existence.

Anybody who has talked with me will know that I just have to go where I’m going next. Look at the beauty of this flower and how the contrast of it standing out against the green background makes it all the more striking. Now imagine the people who once populated these islands being priced out of their lands because wealthier folks drive them out. The Hawaiian islanders were like this flower against a green backdrop; they stood out and were free to be wherever they popped up and found themselves on their ancestral lands. Revisionist histories of warlike people with a rich tradition of the warrior are, in my opinion, a bullshit cockamamie romanticized story that is used by conquering douche-bags to justify why the savages had to be contained. It is us white people who wanted control and wealth in addition to purging the earth of species and peoples that were considered inferior. Now, we know that we took their lands by sleight of hand, but even with this knowledge, there is no way in heaven that the 50th state of America will be allowed to return to its sovereign roots. I’d like to say that at least Native Americans were given reservations, but for the most part, we isolated them on lands we felt near worthless with little to harvest, mine, or steal from to build our own wealth; our ancestors kept that for themselves. In some way, this flower and the bird above have more rights and freedoms than the average indigenous Hawaiian. Paradise loses some of its luster should you look too deeply because, under the surface, you’ll often find muck.

The traditional dwellings in Waimea Valley are mostly not accessible by the general public, but a few can be visited such as this one. The valley here is a sacred site to Hawaiians where many high-ranking people would have lived and where religious ceremonies were practiced. At one time, the area was referred to as the Valley of the Priests. Prior to the protection of the area, the valley was owned by a land developer who was also responsible for the Kahala Hilton, which today is known as Kahala Resort and will cost you an arm and a leg to stay at.

This may forever be my favorite canopy photo I’ll have ever taken. The fractal nature of the trees and near-even distribution of leaves with just enough branches to paint the appearance of arteries stretching to the sky to harvest the nutrient of sunshine delights my eyes and brings back fond memories of amazement.

There’s much to learn and an equal amount to see here at Waimea Valley Botanical Garden. Time and hunger are pushing us towards the exit, but visiting has been a treat. We are well aware that being next to a pool, on a beach, or being seen in the coolest watering hole or a trendy restaurant means more to the average visitor to Hawaii, but we are not those kinds of visitors. Sadly it is the image of the buffoon tourist and their conformist ideas of what a vacation is that drives a larger amount of money into an economy. Caroline and I can only hope that places like this continue to draw in enough people to maintain their upkeep and pay staff so wildlands remain available. The places of history should always be cherished shrines where humanity strives to preserve our heritage so future generations can also celebrate those who have come before them.

I shot 132 images here in Waimea Valley and have shared just 15. There were another half dozen I would have liked posting, but already, this is a lot of plants and none of the images one has come to expect from a visit to Hawaii. As we are leaving I look over at this curious-looking bird and wonder what it’s thinking and then realize maybe it’s just listening for the movement of insects so it can grab a meal, like we are about to do.

Fortunately for us, we don’t have to put an ear to the asphalt and try to pull a bug out of crack to satisfy our hunger. Instead, we spot a food truck called Nakai Saimin and decide it has our flavor of gourmet written all over it. Their claim to fame on their sign is “Fresh Homemade Noodles,” and so that’s what Caroline opts for; I went for the Loco Moco. For whose dish was better, I think it was hands down mine. Loco Moco is a relatively simple dish of a hamburger patty on white rice topped with an egg and brown gravy, but like so many “simple” dishes, it is the totality of the parts that create a chemistry that goes far beyond the average ingredients. This was the GREATEST Loco Moco I’ve ever had and the standard for which all that will follow will have to compare to. Caroline is enjoying some fresh coconut next to our Jeep. We’d have preferred something with better gas mileage, but it seems the tourists feel more adventurous driving these foolish things.

Liquid metal glistening in the late day sun. We have no schedule and no other places to visit; we will meander for the rest of the afternoon and see what we find. Oh, is that the call of Poseidon, or is it the voice of shave ice I hear beckoning us? Sure enough, the universe was transmitting signals to Caroline and me that we should revisit the Old Sugar Mill and order a lilikoi shave ice sitting on a scoop of vanilla ice cream with a splash of coconut milk on top. While I’ve never been harpooned by an angry sea god, I can state with some certainty that gluttony accentuated with Hawaiian shave ice is likely preferable.

At a beach, a small crowd had formed, looking like the Hawaiian version of the animal spotting groups in Yellowstone. Sure enough, they were watching a few sea turtles in the surf next to shore delivering a message from Poseidon, who told those present that disrespecting the all-powerful sea god would result in a heavy price to pay. The turtles whispered to us they could intercede on our behalf if we were to throw them some sugary yummies, and so instead of facing the wrath of His Holy Water Monster, we gave up the rest of our shave ice to the turtles. By now, I’m starting to wonder if those Heliconia berries we ate earlier were some kind of psychedelic. Okay, full stop. Do you really think we fed those turtles our shave ice? Hell no, we didn’t care how dire those turtles made it sound.

The sky started turning overcast around the time that daylight was about to give way to sunset, so we headed back to the hotel in a light rain and were offered a rainbow in place of a glorious sunset; it would have to do. Remember my dissing of people who do the tourist gig and lay on the beach in the sun, go to the pool, and hang out at the bar? Well, we went back to our room, changed clothes, and hit the hot tub before heading out for dinner again at the Kahuku Grill for some more Fire in Paradise burgers. A fulfilling John-and-Caroline kind of touristy day was had.

The day ends with me writing the notes that would become this blog entry while Caroline sits on the balcony in a light breeze, reading about Hawaiian history and knitting.

Eye of the Beholder

Santa Monica Pier in Southern California

Attention: The original post only included one photo from the day. Here in November 2022, I’m updating things with an extra 14 images of the day that better represent just what we did.

We brought no clock or watch and slept in without a wake-up call. It is daylight but seemingly early as we leave the key in our room for a quick checkout. So close to the ocean, we must have a glimpse of the morning sky over the Pacific from the Santa Monica Pier.

Note: notice that cell phones weren’t yet performing these duties.

The Original Pantry Cafe in Downtown Los Angeles, California

From there, we head south to Venice Beach before turning East on city streets towards downtown Los Angeles for breakfast at the historic Original Pantry Cafe.

On a movie set in Downtown Los Angeles, California

Afterward, we spot a movie crew a few blocks away. They are setting up a location shoot for what appears to be a sci-fi or war film, so we stop to check out the action. There is no action yet, only the pestering staff who insists we don’t take photos of the set. Lights are blazing, the fake steam is pouring from the piled-up rubble, and a tank sits around the corner, ready to roar into duty. We get bored soon and leave.

Note from 2022: We came to understand it was for the Transformers movie.

Classic bridge into Los Angeles, California

Keeping with our avoidance of the freeways, our trek takes us through the old arts district of Los Angeles, where some nutty developers are trying to transform the rundown ruins of a derelict industrial area into overpriced lofts.

Lofts in Downtown Los Angeles, California

Right, buy a $1.3 million loft today, and in 15 years, the streets might be safe, the bums gone, and broken trash-strewn sidewalks repaired. The location is cool, though, and if it does work out, it actually would be sweet to have one of these places; check out these Biscuit Company Lofts.

The mountains above Los Angeles, California

Over hill and dale and up the road to the Angeles Crest Mountains, we pass a staging area where 40 or 50 Ferraris and Lamborghinis are getting ready for the drive up the same mountain pass we and our lowly Hyundai are about to climb. Thirty million dollars of Italian sportscars jam up behind us on this narrow mountain road; at the first pull-out, we take a moment to let these guys open the throttle, and engines scream as yellow and red blurs streak by.

Descanso Garden in La Cañada Flintridge, California

Back down on earth, we visited the Descanso Gardens for a couple of hours.

Descanso Garden in La Cañada Flintridge, California

I think they are called Naked Ladies, but at least we know they are lilies.

Descanso Garden in La Cañada Flintridge, California

Dahlias, but don’t go getting the idea I know my flowers very well. Here in 2022, Microsoft’s Visual Search has been dropping knowledge in my lap to make me look smart.

Praying Mantis at Descanso Garden in La Cañada Flintridge, California

This fine specimen of praying mantis just finished a nice little snack, thanks to her mate; I’ll wager you know what I’m getting at.

Descanso Garden in La Cañada Flintridge, California

In those mountains in the background, we just had our Italian sportscar and Testosterone encounter.

San Gabriel Nursery in California

The next stop was another Asian area of Los Angeles, near San Gabriel and Valley Boulevard. This is the San Gabriel Nursery – a Caroline favorite.

Five Star Laser in San Gabriel, California

My choice for shopping was Five Star Laser, where I picked up the DVD of Takeshi Kitano’s latest film, Blood and Bones.

Pizza from Shakey's in West Covina, California

Finally, we grabbed a quick lunch at Shakey’s Pizza over in West Covina.

The Donut Hole in La Puente, California

And then some donuts at the landmark Donut Hole in La Puente, California, before driving back to lackluster Phoenix, Arizona.

Globe to Ft. Apache

Near Superior, Arizona

Passing through Superior when we’re traveling east on Highway 60 is always a pleasure as it’s not too far from Phoenix and the landscape changes dramatically while traveling west on the I-10 towards California involves more than one hundred miles of desert.

Near Superior, Arizona

A quick stop at Boyce Thompson Arboretum satisfies our need for lush vegetation.

Globe, Arizona

Driving north out of Globe, you pass the Apache Drive-in, which is almost startling in appearance as you realize that it’s still open. How much longer can these relics from the past continue?

Flower in Arizona

A yellow bug for a yellow flower.

Off the road to Ft. Apache, Arizona

It’s still monsoon season here in Arizona, and where there’s some elevation, the water isn’t immediately absorbed by the thirsty desert. Not only does the rain replenish the plant life, but it also goes far to refresh our parched senses.

Ft. Apache, Arizona

A little off the beaten path is the Ft. Apache Historic Park. From here, we ventured into Pinetop for a short drive through town and something to eat.

Clay Springs, Arizona

Passing through Clay Springs on the loop back to Phoenix.

Payson, Arizona

Payson up on the Mogollon Rim is our last stop before heading down the hill and back to the hot desert we crawled out of.

Desert Botanical Garden with Jutta

Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix, Arizona

When the flora and fauna of a desert are distributed sparsely across a vast landscape, it can be difficult to be at the right place at the right time to see the diversity of life that inhabits such a place. Visitors to a desert cannot be blamed for being under the impression that the place appears to be painted in swaths of tan and shades of brown. It so happens that in pockets where conditions are right and at various times of the year often dependent upon a very short burst of growth following rare rains, color can explode across the environment. Even for those of us who dwell in deserts, catching these sporadic displays of nature’s natural fireworks can be an elusive task, but fortunately for residents and visitors alike, Phoenix has the Desert Botanical Garden that has amassed examples of this rainbow out of the desert.

Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix, Arizona

With Caroline tending to other things, Jutta and I went over to pay a visit to the garden today. After our recent trip to Yellowstone and the vast open landscapes, I decided to focus on small details today that gave the best example of things not frequently seen. When people come to Arizona in May and June, they will likely get to see the prickly pears and saguaros blooming, but seeing some of the other examples of cactus flowers can be a rare event, such as with this beautiful orange and red specimen.

Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix, Arizona

Aside from the sky and mountains, purples and hues of pink are hard to come by. Here are some tiny splashes of color that may have taken an example from our sunsets, which are known to bathe the desert with the most grandiose light.

Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix, Arizona

Beware the needle as it is often present though not all cactus needles are equal. Some needles are purely cosmetic and soft to the touch, but would you dare tempt that by running from a distance into a thicket of cacti? Then there’s our peccary of some notoriety called the javelina that makes meals out of prickly pears, and the Arizona state bird called the cactus wren that lives in the protective grip of thorns most of us would like to avoid.

Jutta Engelhardt at Desert Botanical Garden Phoenix, Arizona

While not a flower by a long shot and probably more akin to a cactus, this is a specimen of desert visiting mother-in-law that only makes an appearance about every other year. Its thorns come in the form of a sharp barbed tongue, though at times, it can be deceivingly sweet. They lie dormant, much of the time appearing almost lifeless until a sweet meal of sugar is presented. While the mighty saguaro can live to be nearly 200 years old, the mother-in-law, while seeming ancient, has a lifespan of just under approximately 100 years. I should also point out that this particular species of mother-in-law comes in many colors, including black, brown, tan, white, and many hues in between.